Journey through Life

Well, the journey didn’t get off to a good start this week, inspite of being internet/tv less. I was still too plumb tuckered out to read, so I didn’t get started on any of it, but I’ll try again next week. And due to the possible computer issues, I may or may not be able to update regularly anyhow, but we’ll see .

What I’m planning on doing is getting back to my consistent reading. I’ve been a Christian since I was 16. I didn’t grow up in the church, except for when I was “forced” to go to Sunday School in the 6th grade, I can only think of maybe twice that I went to church growing up.

I think I was about 4 and I remember coming home and telling my brother that we went to Church. I don’t recall anything at all about it, I only remember the stained glass windows.

I don’t remember where I first learned the concept of God and Jesus (it wasn’t until later that I learned of the Holy Spirit), but it’s something that’s always been there. Others that I chat with who are atheists, advise that they’ve never believed it at all. That to them, it was just another fairy tale.

There have been things throughout the years that have caused me to doubt God or doubt the existence of God, but then I have these other experiences that I have no other way of explaining. While an atheist may dismiss it as something in ones mind or the wish to want it happen so badly that my mind made it happen.

But when a man barely touches you and you go down like you’ve been knocked down by a ton of bricks, it gets you thinking. When you feel a presence around him and he’s several pews in front of you, it gets you thinking. Especially when others feel it and it’s the same presence that you’ve felt previously in your own quiet time. And even before being a Christian, you’ve felt this same presence.

I didn’t think much of it at the time, however, a few years later it all started to make sense. There used to be a local Christian station in the Bay Area that every summer had a revival show. Our youth group had gone the year before to the taping. This particular night, I was sitting in the living room watching the show when I felt a presence behind me. The way the house was, the backyard and sliding glass door was behind me. The sliding glass was closed and the only other person in the house was my mom and she was in her room. She would have to come down the hallway which would have been on my left side. I felt this presence move towards me and I kept looking towards the TV and fighting the urge to turn around. Would I see something or not? Well, I gave in and turned around and of course nothing was there. The presence left. Now I wasn’t “seeking” God at that time, I was just watching TV.

Now I have felt this presence many times, sometimes in prayer other times in just in doing things every day.

Tongues (which is a “debate” amongst Christians even) is another one. Everyone I know who has received the gift, has received it in a different manner. Some were prayed over and immediately spoke while others didn’t speak immediately, but spoke later. When it happened for me, we had a youth rally at church and the Evangelist had me repeat something over and over. I did this and a few minutes later I had my prayer language. Now I’m guessing on the time as I don’t know for sure. I recall saying the phrase and seemed to be out for a bit and came back and had my own prayer language. It was totally different from what he had me repeat. But this language stays with me, even if I haven’t used it in a long time, it’s still there. When I went to College, I really didn’t use it a lot my whole time there and when I started using it again, it was still there. I can’t recall exactly when I started again, but if I had to guess, I’d say at least 5 years inbetween. With foreign languages, they say if you don’t use it, you lose it. While no where near fluent, I used to be able to get a pretty basic conversation going. Now, I’m lucky to remember how to ask a simple question. And I know others the same, one gal I used to work with spent several years in Columbia and became near fluent, and she has forgotten pretty much all of it.

So are Tongues truly of God? If not, how can a person not use it for years and then come back to it and speak it the same as they always had. Especially when you consider the “use it or lose it” of foreign languages.

One night, maybe 12 years or so ago, I was coming home and in my usual depressed mode. Just thinking and lamenting on all the negatives in my life. I had a radio talk show on and I was in the car alone. Suddenly I heard a voice say “Why don’t you let me love you?” and it startled me. 1) since I was in the car alone and 2) with the talk show that was on, there was no way it was from there. It was a loud audible voice nothing that was “in my head”. Again I wasn’t praying “talk to me God” or anything like that. The voice was as if someone was sitting in the passenger seat.

Now I know that my few experiences and those that others have testified about aren’t proof of God. But these experiences are some of many that for what I know there is not explanation.

And then you have the prayer aspect. I have some things that I’ve prayed about for years that still have not come to fruition, yet other things that I’ve prayed about and the fruition came right away. But of course the “failure” rate adds fuel to the atheist fire. And there are times where I’ve felt that while in prayer that God has told me things, and some have come to fruition and others haven’t. Some were not in the way I thought, but in the end it did happen.

So I have several books that I’m going to be reading and *hope* to post on here about as well. I have one that I’ve started and have not finished, so I’ll be restarting “I Don’t Have Enough Faith to Be an Atheist.” I also have The God Delusion and 101 Myths of the Bible. I truly didn’t know until a few months ago that there are mythological stories that parallel Biblical Stories. I plan on getting again Evidence that Demands a Verdict. I have no clue as to when the rest of my stuff will be able to get out here from Cali. I have the books separately, but they have them condensed into 1 book now and updated.

I also found some books that I may get if needed on some who have lost their faith and others who were atheist/agnostic such as Dr. McDowell who while trying to prove there is no God actually found God.

One guy who went to my old church is one who lost faith, I’m not sure what happened. I heard it from another friend who I saw in passing. This guy was as spirit filled as one could be, he was a walking Bible. He could quote any book, chapter, verse word for word. He witnessed to a ton of folks and was totally on fire. But whatever happened, he walked away from God.

I don’t know if I would ever get to that point, but that is what this journey is all about. Maybe it’ll make me stronger or maybe it’ll make me say that the atheists are right. I guess we’ll see .

This will follow my journey to grow as a Christian.

It has been quite a struggle for me, even though I have been a Christian for over 20 years.

Some of the writings here will be my thoughts and struggles, others will be from my devotionals that I hope to stay consistent with.